Wonder Closet PR Sheet

Here is the rough draft for the copy we’ll send to the malls and such. If you find any faults or need to make edits, tell me as soon as possible! We have to get this out before June, July at the latest.

  • Mike

The Wonder Closet

Introduction

Do you get regular complaints from your customers about your bathrooms? About how dirty they are, even though they have just been cleaned? Or maybe your complaints are about long queues? Fear not! We here at Open Doors Ltd. has you covered with our new invention; The Wonder Closet MultiVerse Door™   

What is the Wonder Closet

The Wonder Closet™ (WC) is an exciting new invention that makes use of the Multiverse™ to present each customer with a fresh and clean public hygiene facility. With a maximum waiting time of  ten (10) seconds queues is a thing of the past. And because every bathroom is a new bathroom, you don’t need to think about cleaners, water or heat! All you need is power for your very own Wonder Closet MultiVerse Door™.

How does the WCMVDwork?

It’s simple! We install the Door for you, in your location of choice. Once it has been hooked up to a dedicated power supply it will be ready for use. (Note, you only need room for the door itself, it does not need a room on the other side of it.) When a registered customer wants to use your facilities, they only have to scan their thumbprint. Once the light turns green, they can open the door and enter into their very own private WC. The bathroom is located in a different Multiverse™, where another you decided to build a WC in this location. Because of the infinite possibilities of the Multiverse™, the WC is guaranteed to always be empty and always be in pristine condition. Your customers will always enter into a newly built room! During the registration process, the customer can customize their WC with desired facilities, as well as color options and both ambient and water temperatures.

When a customer wants to leave the WC all they have to do is scan their thumbprint and again wait for the green light. The only waiting period customers on your side of the WCMVD™ have to endure is the short time whenever someone leaves the WC. It’s that simple!

Is this safe?

Of course it is! We have done extensive tests on the product, and have yet to experience any failures. There are also many built in backup systems to ensure that nothing goes wrong. If anything should go wrong, we have a lifetime guarantee!

Sign up for your first Wonder Closet MultiVerse Door™ today!


Shouldn’t we at least say something about the possibility of people ending up in the wrong ‘verse? I mean, it has happened once. At least once! Who knows if any of our test subjects might be from a neighboring ‘verse? I don’t have to tell you that we don’t fully understand what links us to “our” ‘verse, and that there is a small margin of error there. Sure, you’ll not end up in a ‘verse where the air is made of fire, but you will most likely end up in a ‘verse where there is already one of you. Unless that you also went into the wc at the same time and walked out in your ‘verse… anyway, best case scenario if this happens is just that. You swap places, no harm done. But what if the one swapped has some disease we don’t have here in our ‘verse? We can end the fucking world here!

Roland

The chances of that happening is miniscule. 0.0004% in fact, by the latest calculations. If that is your only input, I think this is ready to be sent out. Get on it.

  • Mike